Sex Talk – Second Time Could Be the Charm

Have you been celibate for a while now? It could be due to the death of a spouse, a divorce, etc, and now here you are, headed for the altar with a brand new love.

Yes, the sex initially can be awkward, especially if you choose to draw from past experiences. Just know that your new spouse sees you quite differently.

Where your ex constantly pushed you to eat because you were “too skinny” in his eyes, your newfound love will probably find your size as your strongest forte.

Where your stretch marks were subject of discussion and ridicule in the last relationship, in the new relationship, they could be regarded as beautiful, a turnon and feminine.

Or for the guy, your ex wife may have made it clear in as much innuendo that the size of ‘mister’ down there left a lot to be desired, and as a result you are an insecure lover, not new to performance anxiety.

But leave that BS at the door as you go into the new marriage; sometimes women refer to men’s penile sizes as ‘too small’ when they are the ones who are actually too wide for the average male. So, go in with a clean slate; you just could be the star to your new wife, unless you let performance anxiety rule.

And the reverse is true; you will be shocked to find that a few things that made your ex go wild in a nice way – say, kissing his ears, or giving her oral sex – will make the new catch cringe in disgust. So, don’t go into the new relationship with hang-ups from your past experience.

Whatever you do, do not copy and paste. Let the tastes and preferences of your new spouse determine how you approach love and lovemaking. Yes, even old dogs can learn new tricks in this case. Just be open to talking about these things.

Every relationship comes with its strong points and hang-ups. Come with an open mind ready for discussing what will work, and not work with this new union. It can be so crazy to the point that everything you threw out the window in the name of compromise during your first marriage needs to be searched for, dusted off and reinstated, in this new marriage. Fresh compromises.

The blueprint of your first relationship(s) needs to stay in the past. It would be unfair to your new spouse for you to judge them by the mistakes of your past loves; it would be horrible for you not to put any effort in the sex, just because your bedroom acrobatics were never appreciated where you came from.

It would be wrong to mistrust, judge and put up unnecessary barriers because of hurts and wrongdoing from another relationship. Some people are so damaged by past relationships that they walk into new ones as incurable cynics. The man, who used to be so generous, thoughtful and romantic, comes into a new relationship vowing not to be blindsided this time, so he erects an emotional barricade and refused to love his new wife right.

Unless one marries as a virgin – endangered species – many people go into marriages with a sexual past. But leave that where it belongs – to your past. If your last husband was a pervert, don’t expect your new love to continue from where the other left off. If your ex wife was unfaithful, don’t walk into the new marriage with detectives and all kinds of insecurities.

Allow your other side to be discovered too and that can only happen if you leave the baggage outside. There are so many sides to your sexuality; you would be shocked if only you let your guard down again.

One woman who found love again after her husband of 14 years sadly passed away, was pleasantly shocked to discover her first ever ‘flying, grinning pink elephants with blue ribbons on their tails’ (read, orgasm) with her new husband. So, let love.

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