Which will survive more: First or Second Marriage?
Many psychologists and therapists who believe that a second marriage is more likely to succeed than the first, mainly because of the maturity of people previously involved in another relationship. They have already seen what went wrong, what worked and brought their own emotional baggage. But, is this a guarantee that the second marriage will be better than the first, or that it will not end in divorce as the first?
Certainly not. It may be in some and even in many cases, but warranty does not exist. There is in this new relationship the same need that both are willing to make it work.
A 2014 survey by researchers at the University of Denver and Virginia in the United States found that the fewer partners and the more people attending the marriage ceremony, the more likely the couple has a happy life and a long-lasting marriage. It is a study that seeks a numerical relationship between a number of phenomena and therefore does not point the result as accurate, but shows a trend evidenced among the almost 400 marriages analyzed in the University of Denver Relations Development Study.
Circumstances that may lead to a second marriage not working
Anyone who has ever experienced a separation believes that when one marries for the first time, it seems to be forever. Already in the second, the feeling is different due to the first one that did not work.
Another problem is the social interaction of the new spouse with friends who used to be the couple. There may be issues involving the ex-spouse, such as moments that have passed together, memories, compliments to the ex that is not present. All this can make the new spouse feel dislocated and unappreciated.
There is also the issue of trust. A spouse who was betrayed at her first marriage tends to have difficulty trusting. He is afraid of being cheated again and becomes suspicious, jealous.
More problems for money may arise, as this will be divided with the previous family – especially in the case of men. The big reason, according to research
The researchers concluded that anyone who has had a marriage or long-term relationship before the current marriage has more difficulty adjusting. And according to them, the cause is the tendency to compare the second spouse with the first.
According to another therapist authors of the book Psychotherapy of the couple, the trauma of the failure of the first relation can prevent a delivery and a full trust to the new spouse.
The authors agree that this is due to the “omnipresent, the uncomfortable comparison between the past and the present relationship.” The author also cites the issue of children – a relationship of love and guilt for separation and which demands reparation, since they suffer through the painful divorce process.
They enter into this new relationship differently, without prior choice. It can happen to be resentful and not accept the new spouse, create rivalries, requirements that can shake the new union.
The problem can be aggravated when a child of the new couple is born, comparisons, rivalries and the requirements of equalitarian or even preferential treatment appear on both sides.
It is possible that a second marriage will succeed. It is possible that the second marriage occurs due to a painful divorce or death of a spouse.
Whatever the reason, there is a pain behind it that can influence current life and demands from the new spouse’s maturity, patience and resilience to overcome the difficulties that stand in the way and build a lasting relationship.