The 5 Defense Mechanisms Destroying Your Marriage
Everyone has defense mechanisms, according to psychology. They are characterized by protecting the person’s personality and maintaining personal balance. An example would be the person seeing a reality that often does not exist to not be disappointed with something or someone, distorting the situation.
This way of looking at life is common and happens to most people. Researchers have pointed out that some defense mechanisms may worsen relationships, especially the more intimate ones. They save the person from deception but are extremely damaging to the spouse and to the health of the relationship.
Because the mechanisms usually occur spontaneously and unintentionally, each person needs to observe himself and understand that something he does to protect himself is sabotaging the marriage. This requires a lot of tact and self-control. The worst 5 defense mechanisms for the marital relationship are:
It is very easy to perceive a projection because the fights between the couple increase by something that the spouse does or does not do. But the reality is that that detail bothers the person himself.
An example would be to blame and quarrel with his partner for being a mess. The person is actually seeing their own problems in the other and constantly blaming them for change. The spouse hears and knows he needs to change, but the situation can become unbearable and one day love can cool down.
The partner tries to show that there is a dissatisfaction, but the person prefers to assume that it does not exist. She denies to herself that something she has done may be bad for the partner and she does not accept critical looks or conversations. It’s like closing your eyes to reality and waiting for everything to settle with your spouse.
The person considers himself insufficient in something and seeks compensation. If it is found in addictions like alcoholism for example, the spouse can suffer immensely. Just the fact that the person having to seek compensation can afflict the spouse because he may feel unnecessary in the relationship.
Imagining that life is different than it really is can greatly bother the partner, especially for the problems that arise and need to be solved.
One may, for example, imagine that all is well in their relationship and that the partner is satisfied, imagine situations that differ from what actually happens and believe that this is what actually occurs. Failing to resolve issues with the partner things can get worse over time.
The person faces their difficulties imagining that they could not be different and that she is right, despite feeling that the partner is not satisfied. It feels superior to it and this greatly affects the relationship, making it often unbalanced and unsustainable.
Defense mechanisms may be beneficial momentarily for the person, but in the long run they impair and can alter the course of the marital relationship. They are inherent in many personalities and personal maturity can help you realize when you are being well used or not.
Professionals in the field of psychology can also help guide you in how to achieve personal and marital balance.