One thing is true: every girl dreams of a boyfriend or husband that is also her best friend – the kind that knows what you are going to say before you think of saying it.
Why then did you ask your very tight friend of so many years if you could date and she said, “But we are friends! I wouldn’t want to ruin our friendship!” And you were left wondering how getting closer could be a bad thing. Of course, it wouldn’t be bad, but here is why she turned you down.
The string of girlfriends: You have had several girlfriends in the duration of your friendship. She knows your taste and preferences; how you go about wooing them and your excuses for breaking up with them. She is not impressed. As a friend, she listens and laughs and advises but she doesn’t want to be just another number curved into your bedpost. She doesn’t trust you not to break her heart.
Your attitude towards marriage, in-laws, children, cheating or not: are you the type that thinks a marriage should only last when you are happy or do you pledge to fight for the forever after? Have you been bad-mouthing your girlfriends’ families or your own?
Do you think it is a man’s right to have as many children as he can with any women that are willing? Do you believe it is okay for men to cheat or that it is impossible to have one lover for life?
Your friend knows the way your mind works because under the cover of friendship, you expressed your true self and she wants none of that.
Your appeal: contrary to popular opinion that once you make your game right, any woman should fall for it, some of us require to be attracted to you first. So, it isn’t about how many flowers you send, the label on your aftershave or how pretty you are. It is the X-factor. That thing that makes the heart go yori-yori. If you don’t have it, we can’t have you. Period.
Your wallet size and ambitions to fill it Yes. Money. Women are nesters. You ask us on a date and we are thinking about which hospital we shall afford for antenatal care and what schools our babies will go to and whether they will walk there or be taken in a Jeep.
All this after we have visualized a wedding that will be the envy of all our peers. Can you deliver? Are you working on being able to deliver? If no, then no, we don’t want to date you.
The list could go on but now you know. When we say ‘But we are friends!’ we really mean that is all you are good for. How about all those guys you know who married their best friends?
Well, if you ask them, you will find that they were on the right side of all the issues raised above: only one or two girlfriends, a winning attitude towards all things that matter to a woman, seriously attractive and an ambitious wallet… OR the girl didn’t care what she got and they now know why.