Sex Talk – Accept Truths of Life Too

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That he would go to the ends of the earth to find that petit girl with “champagne breasts” as he called them. And I would ask him, what if she grows fat after the wedding?

“Well, then that would be grounds enough for divorce!” he would answer adamantly. Well, now he is married to his petit, “champagne-breast” woman; hopefully she knows the address of a magician who will keep things as-is, lest she finds herself out of a domestic job, should a baby come into the works with a few kilos more to her enviably tiny frame!

For truth is, marriage and the sex therein come with a few shockers of their own and if the foundation you built yours on was not true, unconditional love, you will be incapable of keeping the good sex going after a while. This truth lies in:

Post-baby bumps:

The physical loveliness you possibly encountered on the wedding night and for a few years thereafter, could be altered by a belly that does not exactly bounce back to its former tightness once it has held a baby or two to term. So, the much-loved spooning as well as some sexual positions may feel increasingly different – even difficult. Here is to hoping you did not marry her only for the immaculate figure she spotted in the pencil skirts!

Stretch marks:

If you are pregnant and don’t want stretch marks, start right from the first trimester to apply Bio Oil and other recommended oils all over your body to give the skin the elasticity it needs. If you don’t, chances are after baby has arrived, you will have stretch marks and some can be so bad, they appear like loose, folded skin.

It takes a great dose of self esteem for a woman who did not have stretch marks before, to flaunt her body before her husband without insecurities. And for the husband who wanted a trophy wife, the changes in skin texture – not to mention the saggy boobs from breastfeeding – can throw one off during naked moments. But again, thankfully many men admit that when it comes to ‘crunch time’, they don’t really notice the silly details their wives are so worried they are studying.

Looseness in vital places:

Unless a wife knows how to do her Kegel exercises before and after pregnancy, chances are she will gradually lose the strength of her PC muscles that keep the vagina walls toned. This also means the grip during lovemaking that a husband was possibly used to will no longer be there.

So wives, tone those oh-so-important muscles by contracting them and releasing them (as if you are trying to stop urine flow) even as you read this. Do it several times a day – no weights, no gym needed! Tough muscles down there mitigate the abrupt changes that may present in your marriage thanks to the rigours of childbirth and getting used to ‘existing traffic’.

And of course as one grows older, there are the weight fluctuations one never bargained for. Unless your spouse is big on exercise, agility and flexibility in bed may be a distant memory. Without getting a heart attack, that is. So, I pray you truly married for love; you will need to draw on that account.

Longevity/spontaneity:

What six-pack?! After a few anniversaries, you may find yourself asking just that about your beloved husband, whose torso you lustfully said “I do” to, years ago.

Have you seen Schwarzenegger’s body lately? Hmm, a far cry from that Kindergarten Cop I adored back in the day. That is the personification of what time, life and tenderness can do to a hot man. In fact research also says, as a man piles on weight, he loses penile inches into the fat folds. Hmm…

So, back to your husband. Don’t start fretting if the three-to-four-times-a-night marathon sex you were used to before your fifth wedding anniversary have since dwindled to just one – many times coming in form of a ‘beep’. And where you used to walk into his office at lunch time and make him drop everything for a quick fix, now you would have to sing and cajole him into getting an erection.

Things change for men too; so, don’t feel too bad if your waist line is not what it used to be years ago and your butt and thighs have all these inexplicable dimples. It happens with the tide. Not just to women, but to their husbands too. So put your insecurities aside and love and let love in these new bodies.

About author

Kemi Wale-Olaitan

Kemi is a retired broadcaster from the service of Federal Radio Corporation of Nigeria; while in service, she had her interest in women issues and had interviews with several notable women in the course of her duty as a producer in the service of the Federal government. Her interest in broadcasting was informed by her creative writing prowess; she has been very active in creative writing since her undergraduate days, and she has written a few fictional works in form of short stories and novel. Some of her short stories have appeared in anthologies of Short stories. Kemi was also very active in the establishment of the Women Writers Association of Nigeria (WRITA) and she served on its first Executive Council.

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