Sex 102: When to Shelve the Submission

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I believe equality is good for the workplace, in education and all these other spheres of life, but in a marriage, take a chill pill, madam; harmony works best when a wife submits to her husband. I know wives who have bent their husbands into submitting to them, but years later hate the work of their hands, because when they need a real man, their husbands cannot be counted.

I also know firebrand women who do not back down at the workplace, etc, because of their gender, but at home, they wear another mantel and transform into submissive wives. I have run into trouble before with feminists over this, but hey, I have never subscribed to feminism anyway. I only subscribe to human rights.

Many mistake submission for subservience, slavery, or outright stupidity; but no, it is simply allowing your husband to have veto powers in the home. Accepting to have a hierarchy of sorts. Otherwise, you should let your children be bosses in the home too, in the spirit of equality!

When that agreeable hierarchy happens, many things fall into place automatically, as opposed to when the couple is in a constant power struggle. It also means invoking submission, in the hope that it will activate love on your husband’s side – which it usually does, if you ask wives who run their marriages this way – unless there is something wrong with the man you said, ‘I do,’ to.

But because it is hard for women to submit and easier for us (as easy as breathing) to love, many settle for the latter and the reverse is true for their husbands. I guess that is why God asked us to do this (wives submit to your husbands, husbands love your wives – Ephesians 5:22-26), because He knew it was not a given.

Just like His take on forgiveness. To conform to the godly way of things, it is near-sacrifice, but when you get it right, the rewards are amazing. Otherwise, in the face of a negatively over-the-top wife, you will see her husband automatically submitting.

Today husbands submit starting with their wedding day. He says he is not financially ready for the wedding and the fiancée steps up and bankrolls the wedding. The newlywed hubby suggests they postpone the honeymoon until he can take his bride to a location of his choice, and she again surprises him with tickets and a fully-paid package (by her) for Hawaii… And the pace is set for that marriage.

This reversed trend may work all right during courtship sometimes, but it is another story during marriage. No honest woman wants to be stuck with a submissive, “yes-ma’am”, pampered-but-never-pampering husband for life, because men are simply not programmed that way! It is so unsexy when he is just…you know…just.

However, even in a marriage where the wife submits and the husband loves the way God meant the union to be, there is one place where submission is uncalled for: the bed. During sex, wives, it is sexy (according to the men) to be assertive, to say what you prefer and even initiate sex when you feel like it.

Some take submission too far. She can never initiate sex. She can never say what she likes or does not like. Sex happens only when the husband wants it, because she is not about to lose her womanliness by showing signs of a normal libido.

And like a sacrificial lamb – because she mistakes submission for slavery – she will silently avail herself even when circumstances dictate otherwise and do things she would rather not do during lovemaking. True passion is when you both give as much as you get; when the sexual satisfaction of your spouse is your total responsibility.

About author

Kemi Wale-Olaitan

Kemi is a retired broadcaster from the service of Federal Radio Corporation of Nigeria; while in service, she had her interest in women issues and had interviews with several notable women in the course of her duty as a producer in the service of the Federal government. Her interest in broadcasting was informed by her creative writing prowess; she has been very active in creative writing since her undergraduate days, and she has written a few fictional works in form of short stories and novel. Some of her short stories have appeared in anthologies of Short stories. Kemi was also very active in the establishment of the Women Writers Association of Nigeria (WRITA) and she served on its first Executive Council.

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