How to know if your Partner/Spouse is cheating

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So things have not been right between you and your spouse for a hot minute. You’ve tried to correct everything you thought might be the problem. You have started dressing up more; you have started being more romantic by buying flowers, jewellery. Some of you have even gone for those sex workshops to spice things up in the home. No change, no result. There’s just that nagging feeling that something is terribly wrong.

Then you start thinking about Carol who divorced her husband because of a funny business with the maid. Or Peter who’s wife cleaned out the house (down to the curtains!) and moved in with a younger man. But it can’t happen to you… Or can it?

Here are a few signs to look out for:

– Please pay attention to your intuition! If you think your partner is cheating, they probably are…

– At the start of an affair, the cheater will experience feelings of guilt because, despite what you might think, he/she knows it’s wrong and doesn’t want to hurt you. They will therefore be more attentive and even more romantic. You know your partner best. So if this increased attention is completely out of character, be very afraid.

– Once the affair has been on for a while and your partner’s guilt has lessened, they will start to find fault with little things you do. Your chicken might be undercooked. Never mind that he loved it the first day you cooked it for him and the recipe hasn’t changed. Or, you’re not very motivated and bordering on lazy… I mean, Kamau has already moved his family to Runda. Never mind that you wake up at 5am to go to work every morning and return at 7pm.

– Change in your sex life. This is a little tricky because it could go either way. They may not want any sex at all. Or, they may start making weird demands in the bedroom. If he wants you swinging from the chandelier all of a sudden, he has a teacher somewhere and that teacher is definitely not you.

– All of a sudden, he has a work schedule heavier than Obama’s. Weekend trips and long hours keeping him out of the house till late… But when you really think about it, there’s no promotion and his salary is still as stagnant as ever, no bonuses included.

– Also, look out for a change in spending habits. If your partner has no money for that bottle of wine he always used to bring you, or there’s no money for flowers but he has to have his cologne, you need to take a look at the financial statements and find out where the money is. Show Me The Money!!!

– A cheating spouse will lose all interest in what goes on around the house… So the kids need to be dropped off, why don’t you take them? The lawn needs to be mowed, ask the watchman. Your family wants to come over for lunch, she’s too busy to cook. You need new boxers, stop by Manhattan and get them yourself… I think you get the general idea.

– Your partner may develop a sudden, inexplicable need for privacy. They may start locking their computer or cell phone. Credit card bills and bank statements will be hidden. And any attempt to ask why will lead to defensive answers or outbursts.

These are just a few signs and may not necessarily mean your partner is cheating. But if something really is bothering you about your relationship, then the probability of the milk not being clean is very high.

Before you decide to cheat, please think of what your actions will do to the person who loves you and weigh if it’s really worth destroying their life, and maybe yours too…

About author

Kemi Wale-Olaitan

Kemi is a retired broadcaster from the service of Federal Radio Corporation of Nigeria; while in service, she had her interest in women issues and had interviews with several notable women in the course of her duty as a producer in the service of the Federal government. Her interest in broadcasting was informed by her creative writing prowess; she has been very active in creative writing since her undergraduate days, and she has written a few fictional works in form of short stories and novel. Some of her short stories have appeared in anthologies of Short stories. Kemi was also very active in the establishment of the Women Writers Association of Nigeria (WRITA) and she served on its first Executive Council.

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